ello

Today was pretty crappy. My brother called me a bastard in the beggining of the day which obviously showed me how the end was going to be.

You see though what he said was true...the definition in the dictionary says this:

1.an illegitimate child

2. something of irregular inferior, or dubious origin

3. slang: a disagreeable person-adj. BORN OF UNWED PARENTS: ILLIGITIMATE

2: not genuine:spurious

3:of inferior breed or kind

4: resembling a known kind or species but not truly such.

And i did something really bad. I got really pissed; marched up to my room grabbed the dictonary and threw it at him. I yelled at him to look it up since hes always fucking calling me one he should no what it means. U see dear dear ppl my parents are not; were not married when i was conceived so...yea...by the dictonarys standards...im a bastard..whoopie! need i say. My brothers like to bring it up all the time. and often it feels like everytime my mom looks at me all she is seeing is a mistake...i dunno its just not easy for me. Not to mention living with my alcoholic father growing up...well its late so ill post more later.

mb